The Mumps

So called over to Rob's house with a bottle of 7up and a box of roses. He was lying in his bedroom with the curtains drawn.
"Luke? Is that you, Luke?"
He couldn't recognise me because of the surgical mask, ya know? No need to take any chances.
"Hey Robbo, how you doin' ?"
" How do you think I'm doin'? I can't move me neck, me jaws kiling me, me nads are swollen and I'm completely dehydrated."
" Just like playing Munster, then?"
He didn't see the funny side.
"I thought your plums didn't swell until a few days after the primary infection, if then?" I asked.
He looked at me.
" I may have had a chat with Dr. Phil before I came over." I admitted.
"Hmm. Anyway, that may be true of normal mumps but I seem to have primary and secondary symptoms all at the same time."
I could see where this was going.
" Is that your new Audi out the front ?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"All at the same time, Luke ! I'm cursed, is what it is, cursed!"
"Don't be stupid. You've just been unlucky, is all."
I decided that this had gone on long enough.
"Rob." I told him, " This has to stop. He's only human."
"No, no. " he said, forgetting for a moment and trying to shake his head. It was funny, but this was a team-mate in trouble.
So I told him a few home truths. I spoke about the lack of a schools rugby medal. I made him admit that he had thought that maybe, just maybe, the Cuz had been carrying a bit of weight last season. Finally, I showed him that old O2 Ad (I have it stored on my ipod) several times. Even he had to smile.
By the time I left he was feeling better. It's good to do something nice for the afflicted. No wonder Dr. Phil is a Dr.
I stopped to admire the new Audi in the drive on the way back to my car. Then the skies darkened, and a loud buzzing noise filled the air.
As I drove away, a swarm of locusts was stripping the paint off it.

Unlucky, that's all.