Erc - Internal Memo

Mark, Stuart

Just a couple of issues around the weekend. Getting a lot of blowback in the papers re the penalty shoot-out, so on Monday had a conference call with Phil, Jon, Jean-Paul and a couple of my people to come up with some working suggestions going forward for how we should settle a draw. Obviously penalty countbacks, tries scored etc all came up but we felt from a commercial point of view they lacked pizzazz, and, not to put too fine a point on it, commercial exploitability. So instead here are some of the Suggestions we came up with going forward ;

1. The Penalty Shotgun Shoot-out - Five players to be nominated from each team. Each player to be asked how many cans of H they want. They then take turns to drink this amount in a set period, say two minutes. The crowd to be encouraged to cheer them on, join in, etc, preferably by the zaniest on-field announcer available. They then have to drop-kick the empties from the 22 over the bar, each empty counting for a point. Teams would have to decide on the size of the players, skill at kicking, how many cans to shotgun, and so -on.
Jean Pierre went mad for this because of the physical comedy element, thinks it'd play well in a country that reveres Jerry Lewis as a God. Sponsors a bit lukewarm due to drinking responsibly message they're being forced to put out at the minute. On a more personal note, I think it buys into the finest traditions of stupid rugby-club drinking games, something we have sadly lost sight of in the professional era. Anyway, I'm on for setting up a working group on it, let me know what you think.

2. - The H-Factor - Have you seen the viewing figures for that ugly Scottish bird on the internet? Think we should go for a slice of that. One player each ( the uglier the better, think M Johnson ) to sing for a team of celebrity judges who give their opinion in the most sarcastic vein possible. A public vote to be held on telephone lines open for ten minutes and the winners of this to go through.
One of my lads has already put a call in to Davina Mc Call to announce the verdict, and if we could get Simon Cowell on board we'd be made. Of course, no-one wants to see a professional rugby player cry, but thats a chance we'll have to take. Also, the possibility that players might play for a draw in the hope of launching a singing career would also have to be considered. I'm thinking of a certain T. Bowe here.

3 - The Rolling Mall - Forwards sent into a mock shopping mall to pick the finest yet cheapest outfits possible while Gok Wan shouts unintelligible drivel about bangers at them. On the plus side, should reach out to the pink demographic. On the minus side, needs a little work. It was late when we came up with this one.

Anyway, thats just a few thinking points. I'm open to your input on this one so feel free to kick it around for a day or two with your people, then get back to me. I think Serge might have a bit of a negative view ( surprise ! ) , so lets keep him out of the loop on it for the moment.

Kind Regards.

Derek