Lococomico Enterprises, inc.

- Hello, Lococomico Inc, how may I help you?
- Yeah, let me speak to the man.
- Certainly. Who may I say is calling?
- Luke.
-And will he know what its in connection with?
- My boot's connection with his arse.
-Certainly sir. Please hold.
{ Rustling sound as if a phone is being held to someones chest. Unidentified farm animal. The muffled noise of someone clearing his throat after speaking in falsetto. }
-Luuuuuke. Amigo, que tal?
- Don't speak Mexican to me, you mook, I know you're not from there.
- Amigo, I sense some hostility. What's up? Altitude got you down.
- Where's the money you promised me ?
- Luke, we're still in set up, pal. Our Click Through Rate is still pretty abysmal and the Adsense account took some time to get up and running due to a small administrative error....
-What kind of administrative error?
-One of the goats pee'd on the computer. One of those things.
-Goats? Your office is in Merrion Square !
- Well, you know, free grass, rich bohemian types, two and two makes....' Merrion Square Boutique Goats Cheese'. You want in on the ground floor, amigo?
- Just give me the figures.
- Sure, sure. Well, one goat produces about 8 gallons of milk a day. Free fodder equals pure profit, my man ! I have a friend who works in the Phoenix if we want to expand...
-FOR THE BLOG, you numpty.
- What? Oh, sorry. Well, since I dried out the hard drive and got the account set up, we've had approximately seven or eight thousand page impressions.
- Really? That sounds pretty good ! How much did that earn us?
- Just a sec. I'll just check to see if its changed. Yes. Hey, wow, its doubled!
- Doubled ! Great, lay it on me.
- Two cents.
- What? The line must have gone dodgy there. I thought you said two cents.
- Well, I'm afraid I did say two cents, Luke. I can't lie to you.
- Two cents? Two lousy cents! I've worked my ass off for one, er, fiftieth?, yeah , fiftieth, of a EURO!
- Well, one fiftieth of a dollar. They're American. With the exchange rate...
- Thats it. We're done. Don't call me back. And tell my agent he's a moron if you see him.
- Wait Luke, don't do anything hasty. It could pick up. People could actually click through to buy, you know, Sky Sports subscriptions or, err, Lyons Tea charity, ummm, giveaways. I thought you wanted to communicate directly with your fans....
- Goodbye.
*Click*
{Beep. Beep. Beep. Phone is hung up. Phone is picked up. Number is dialled.}
- Hello, is that Screwley, Naylum, and Billum? Can I speak to Rodney du Pris, please? Tell him its Senor Comico calling in that favour. Will I hold? Certainly.
{ Greensleeves. Maniacal Laughter swelling to a crescendo of Mwah HA HAWs. End. }