Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Lions Tour by Quinny

I was up on the The Bulls farm when I got the phonecall. What I like to do in the few weeks before any Leinster game is head up there and pick out a particularly game young bullock. The Bull puts a blue no.10 jersey on it for me that I had specially made in Hong Kong a while back. (You should see him rubbing them on the tummy when he has them upside down by the four legs. They love it.) Then I'll spend a few hours in the back field with it, twisting an ol' ear here, fingers in the nostrils there, 'til its good an' het up. Its just a bit of fun, like. They enjoy the excercise.
Anyway, I was practising my Spanish on the bullock, whispering in its ear, like, ( did you know that De Puta Madre means cool in Spanish, while Tu Puta Madre means something else entirely? Amazing what you learn as a professional.) when the phone rang. I had the bullock pinned so I answered it. Turned out it was Warden Gateland, offerin' me a place on the Lions. I thought it was Donners taking the piss, and told him if it was I'd cut off a finger for every minute of my time he'd wasted, but in the end he convinced me.
So anyway when I finished The Bull was looking over the gate at me. He'd heard me thanking Warden and asking if anyone else from Munster was going. He cocked his head, and I shook mine, regretfully. He didnt say anthing, just sighed and turned away, a bullock under each oxter. I could tell he was hurting, but I had my own problems.
Does anyone know where I can find a Saffer jersey big enough for a bullock?

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